Hello 2023 from Ted Harris

Ted Harris here with the warmest greetings for the new year. We made a new story called THE YULETIDE CHERRIES. It’s based on the story of The Tale of Sir Cleges, adapted and written by me and my sister Lindsay. I feel it’s a great story, and I hope to see it as a book one day.

The voice actor is Owen McCuen, who has worked in many different audio drama and fiction podcasts, commercials, and more. Plus, he’s a great guy and a good friend.

Middle Ages painting of a red haired youung woman robed in red and blue against a gold background, holding a writing quill. In calligraphy, the image says The Yuletide Cherries, a Special Episode for the Winter Holidays. 6630productions.com.

The Yuletide Cherries, a Winter's Tale Life In The Ted Lane

The Yuletide Cherries is a special episode to celebrate the winter holiday season. Lady Cleges and her faithful bard, Niko, have nothing to sustain them this Winter's Solstice night except good intentions. When Lady Cleges meditates underneath a tree and looks into the starry sky, wondrous things happen.  This audio fiction story is meant for all ages to enjoy together. Ted is learning audio editing as part of his job skills training with Merakey. When you review, comment, and share his podcast episodes, it encourages him to learn and practice more.  Thank you for listening. Story adapted by Ted Harris and Lindsay Harris Friel from The Tale of Sir Cleges and The Christmas CherriesMusic: Clear Air by Kevin McLeod Wedding in Asgard by Vincent Friel The Yuletide Cherries Theme by Vincent FrielEditing and sound design by Ted Harris with help from Lindsay Harris Friel Episode mastering by Vincent FrielHappy New Year from 6630 Productions! If you enjoyed this episode, please review it at Podchaser or Apple Podcasts. We'd love to know what you think. Learn more about us at 6630Productions.com, or contact us at info@6630Productions.com. Sound effects from Freesound.org include: Fireplace https://freesound.org/people/martats/sounds/138018/Lute music: https://freesound.org/people/f-r-a-g-i-l-e/sounds/506266/Party: https://freesound.org/people/certoipus/sounds/652036/Cork Pop: https://freesound.org/people/jewelconnor/sounds/533740/Cooking: https://freesound.org/people/aesqe/sounds/140453/Walking in snow: https://freesound.org/people/seenms/sounds/421617/Winter forest: https://freesound.org/people/klankbeeld/sounds/616231/Winter solstice night: https://freesound.org/people/daveincamas/sounds/65247/Winter night: https://freesound.org/people/bajko/sounds/378048/Peaceful Drone: https://freesound.org/people/mricken1/sounds/384388/Miracle Fantasy music: https://freesound.org/people/SergeQuadrado/sounds/655399/Snow walking: https://freesound.org/people/IDKAKF/sounds/554258/Gate: https://freesound.org/people/newlocknew/sounds/654525/Footsteps gravel: https://freesound.org/people/InspectorJ/sounds/345560/Creaky door https://freesound.org/people/kyles/sounds/451138/ Water splash https://freesound.org/people/InspectorJ/sounds/421184/ Woman laugh https://freesound.org/people/sagetyrtle/sounds/72353/ Talking people: https://freesound.org/people/szalonegacie/sounds/232174/

We also made our December episode of LIFE IN THE TED LANE, where we talked about winter holiday customs. We talked about Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, and many more holidays, and how people celebrate them.

(Editor’s note: we also discussed strategies to make the holidays easier for autistic folks. ~Lindsay)

December: Holidays for All, Muppet Christmas Specials, Life In The Ted Lane

Ted wants to talk about Christmas, but his big sister Lindsay made him research and share all of the December holidays and the reason for the season.  Plus, the Muppet Christmas specials that are hard to find, and strategies to help people who have autism cope during this cold, busy time of year. Additional resources: Feeling overwhelmed? Help is available: dial 988 or visit SAMSHA.gov. Winter Solstice – The Long and Short of it at The Franklin InstituteHow To Celebrate The Winter Solstice from MotherMag Hanukkah | Reform JudaismOfficial Kwanzaa WebsiteThe Real Festivus by Dan O'KeefeStolen Lightning: The Social Theory of Magic by Daniel O'KeefeYule History and OriginsIt's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie Is BonkersA Muppet Family ChristmasChristmas tips for autistic people and their familiesHosted, Written, and Edited by Ted HarrisCo-Hosted by Lindsay Harris FrielMusic by Vincent FrielMore info: 6630 Productions Tell us what you think of the show! Write us a review on Podchaser or Apple Podcasts. Transcript available at https://lifeinthetedlane.buzzsprout.com. 

You can listen to more episodes of Life In The Ted Lane wherever you find your podcasts, or on our Buzzsprout page.

Learning to edit audio files in Logic Pro

When we worked on The Yuletide Cherries, we learned about editing audio, we learned that editing audio is different from video audio, it takes great concentration, we learned how to pan audio so it goes from left to right and about Dolby stereo and how to equalize sound, I showed Lindsay how I show the sound of someone walking in the snow how to go from left to right by mouth, a skill I learned from acting classes. It is like you put your teeth together, put your tounge on the upper teeth and make short little blows with your breath, but you start quiet at first and then start getting louder, then get quiet again. Lindsay had been trying to figure it out for herself, but when she heard me do it, she was amazed. It’s a difficult skill, but one I had acquired after years of study.

Ted’s Hopes for 2023

This year I hope to do a second season of LIFE IN THE TED LANE, and maybe some more puppet videos, and hopefully do a audio play of my sourdough starter story or my Brigantine Castle story, and maybe do my first art show in one of the Philadelphia galleries, and maybe introduce some new puppets to Roxborough.

Want to help us make a story?

Lathgertha_by_Morris_Meredith_WilliamsIn six days, Vince and I are going to take A Big Risk. We’re going to get on a plane (Vince hates flying) and go to Minneapolis, Minnesota. There we’re going to hand a script to a room full of people, most of whom I haven’t met (first-draft readings take a pint of my blood), and we’re going to read it, rehearse it, record it, and make a serial podcast out of it.

This is Jarnsaxa Rising.  Ancient Norse Gods use humans as pawns to battle each other. When an ancient giantess takes human form to engage in eco-terrorism, a corporate team tries to stop her, and learns who the real enemy is.

Vince testing our portable recording setup.
Vince testing our portable recording setup.

The script is stylistically different for me, in narrative and in craft. I’ve never written science fiction or fantasy before. Adjusting to audio drama is also new for me. Vince has done a lot of sound engineering and still experiments with it for fun. He’ll be performing all of the sound engineering and writing all of the music. We made a sketch comedy podcast episode to prove to ourselves we could do it. Now we’re getting involved with other people and going on a journey.

Carin Bratlie believed in me enough to produce Traveling Light years ago, and now we’re going to go take a leap of faith together again. She’s assembled a solid, smart cast, and she’ll be directing.

Now’s your chance to be part of our trip.

We are 14% funded on the Indiegogo campaign that will fund this project. The podcast will be produced and be available online for your listening pleasure this autumn, whether we reach our funding goal or not. As I write this, twenty-one people have said, “Hell, yes, I want to support this story.” You can join us.  

They say life is a bowl of cherries in Minneapolis.
They say life is a bowl of cherries in Minneapolis.

Right now I feel like my viscera is all clenched up in the center of my chest from excitement and anxiety. I’m rewriting the big final battle of the story, and I want to make everyone proud.

Things are looking up!

Georgia O'Keeffe, photographed by Alfred Steiglitz. Good things are happening.

I’m pleased to announce that Wide Open Spaces will be read as part of the Philadelphia Women’s Theatre Festival this summer!

Wide Open Spaces is the play that I wrote about Georgia O’Keeffe, and her personal changes that made her the painter we know today. It has forty-some odd characters played by eight performers, and takes place in one room and all across America over three years, so this is going to be a good experience. I’m really excited about this, and grateful that the festival coordinators see what I’ve seen in this story.

Philadelphia’s never had a theatre festival specializing in work created by women, before this year. Ms Fest at Plays & Players was a huge success, so the energy of supply and demand is high for a women’s theatre festival.  Currently, the PWTF is raising funds to make the festival happen, and you can support this project.  They have four days left to meet their fundraising goal, and donations are tax-deductible. 

I know so many people who complain at being left out of opportunities. There’s so much “they don’t want me because I’m too (x, y, z) for them” that I hear, and I want to be in a culture of saying “yes, and.”   This is one of those times where we can step up and build the sandbox in which we want to play.

Speaking of building your own sandbox, progress on Jarnsaxa Rising continues. In addition to the script, I’m working on “meet the artist” posts for the podcast’s blog. Every time I open up my e-mail, see the performers’ headshots and read their bios, I get all warm and giggly inside. This project is going to be Really Good.

And, of course, if science-fiction-fantasy podcasts are your thing, you can join us on the journey.

IMG_3686 And last night it rained, finally, so the garden is getting wild again. The red lilies are blooming and doubling and trebling, and the morning glory vine has started to fight with the lavender, but they’re no match for the mint, so I have to get in there and break up some of this battle.

 

 

Mint vs. Lavender vs. Morning Glories. QUIEN ES MAS MACHO?
Mint vs. Lavender vs. Morning Glories. QUIEN ES MAS MACHO?

 

 

 

Things that keep me awake at night

Lathgertha_by_Morris_Meredith_Williams Once upon a time there was a playwright who was really, really bored.

She sent a Facebook message to a friend, a director, who was never bored, halfway across the country. The message was, “I need something new to write about, throw me a prompt.”

The director said, “Just above the 60th parallel in the Baltic Ocean, a team of researchers arrives at an abandoned wind farm, to investigate some unexplained energy surges. They discover that the wind farm has become sentient. And hungry.”

The writer said, I like this, and she researched and thought and imagined. Five years later, we have this:

Smøla Wind Farm, Norway. Photo by Bjørn Luell.
Photo by Bjørn Luell

Jarnsaxa Rising

It seemed like a great play idea, with multiple characters and the wind turbines themselves being played by actors who rotated giant rain sticks, as if the gods and humans and everyone were all embodied in the wind turbines. But the story was too unwieldy. It made more sense to break it into episodes and do it as a podcast. So, basically, it’s a science fiction fantasy revenge tragedy that takes place in a dystopian future and the ancient past.

and that’s what I’ve been up to lately.

round box brooch swedish So, I’m writing the script. I’m eight episodes in, with hopefully only two more to go. although two of the episodes may get merged into one. Vince is doing all the sound engineering. Carin is directing, she’s found a cast, and we’re going to Minneapolis to record it in July. We’ll edit the files in August, and launch the podcast in the fall.

I’ve been taking a Coursera course, called Sagas and Space, about Norse culture and how they thought about themselves. It’s been inspiring and helpful, particularly Terry Gunnell’s guest lecture on “Spaces, Places, Liminality and The Supernatural in The Old Nordic World.”

I’ve been learning a lot about Indiegogo. This is our campaign, in case you like this and want to help. We’re just over 5% funded, with 41 days to go. I get about two messages a day from people who want me to pay them to retweet the campaign or add it to a directory. which feels like adding my needle to a haystack.

woman holding-headphones-listening-to-music
“OMG! This is, like, SO much better than Serial!”

Tonight, I have writer’s block. I know what needs to happen next, everything is outlined. As I write, I feel like I’m stumbling. There’s a lot of new things that I’m learning: writing purely for audio instead of live audio-visual performance, using episodes, using non-linear narrative. some information is missing, and I don’t know what it is, but without it, I can’t confidently move forward. I’ll get it, I just have to find it. I also know that writing doesn’t come from inspiration, inspiration comes from writing.

Fortunately, I have a really good cast, good people who have said, “sure, I’ll climb aboard your wagon.” I just want to make sure I don’t disappoint anyone.

I wanted to go to bed early tonight, so I can get up early tomorrow. It was hot today and it’s supposed to be hot tomorrow, so I’d like to have some of the cool hours of the day at my disposal. I want to get up early, pull weeds and water the flowerbeds before the rest of the world gets moving. The local amateur pyrotechnic aficionados are setting things off, which upsets the dogs. They’re being pretty good about it, but I can hear them shuffling around anxiously.

I think I’m just going to lie down and listen to an audiobook, and hope that settles me down.

Anyway, this is what’s keeping me awake lately.

Don’t go changing to try and please me.

Philadelphia’s Mural Arts program is really cool, but it’s only a small part of the many arts organizations who contribute to the life of this city.

Philadelphia Arts Advocacy Day probably sounds like something involving tall skinny women wearing all black and chunky jewelry sipping chardonnay and complaining about the callouses they have on their check-writing hand. And who’s to say it isn’t? Any tall skinny woman who wants to sip chardonnay and complain about arts funding is a friend of mine, as long as she keeps donating to the arts organization of her choice.

But seriously, folks. The Philadelphia Cultural Fund is likely to be reduced for fiscal year 2016. Last year arts advocates convinced Mayor Nutter and City Council to approve an increase in the funding, to $3.14 million. This year, we’re only asking that the budget not be reduced. We’re not asking for an increase (though that would be really nice too). We’re just asking that it not be cut (to the 1.84 million that Mayor Nutter has proposed).

In order to have cool things that make a place livable, such as summer camps, street fairs, orchestras, nifty little painting and writing classes, and endless productions of Shakespeare to make us all feel smart, you have to have cultural funding in your city budget. If you want to be a great city, you have to have great art, and that means great money. We’re not even asking for more money, we’re asking just to keep the number the same.

The NCAR Arts Vibrancy Report is Southern Methodist University’s index of supply and demand for cities’ arts, culture, and how their governments spends money on them. It’s a way of quantifying a major contributor to a city’s livability (aside from jobs, climate, pollution, transit, and so on).  While Philadelphia’s Avenue of The Arts may seem like a vast buffet of entertainment and provocation, our city didn’t even make the top ten. For cities with populations over one million, Philadelphia came in 13th, right under Denver. 

A bearded hipster-lookin' man with some plush creatures that look really cool.
You guys, please, please, don’t let Denver be cooler than us. Please.

 That’s right. Philadelphia was outranked for vibrancy by DENVER, COLORADO. This aggression will not stand, man. 

The Greater Philadelphia Cultural Alliance has created a guide of simple ways that you can communicate to Mayor Nutter and City Council that the Philadelphia Cultural Fund is important to you, and that you don’t want it reduced. I read the useful and helpful pre-written letter provided, and re-edited it for my own (nefarious?) purposes to send to my council person, Bobby Henon.

The letter I sent is below.

I highly recommend that if you

a) live in Philadelphia, or its surrounding counties (Bucks, Chester, Delaware, and Montgomery, yes, this affects you too)

and

b) like things other than sports sometimes,

that you click, tweet, write, make noise, whatever. Make that happen. I mean it. Here’s the guide. It’s not hard. Easier than Candy Crush.

Thank you.

Dear Councilman Henon,

Thank you for all the hard work that you’re doing for Tacony and Mayfair. I moved to Tacony when I married my husband, and in the past eight years I’ve seen a lot of positive change. For example, the Tacony Storefront Improvement Program was long overdue and is a great asset to our neighborhood. Here is another way that life in our district can be improved, that’s also very important to me.

The Philadelphia Cultural Fund’s budget allocation is at risk. As a writer, artist and arts supporter, I’m writing to urge you to save the Philadelphia Cultural Fund (PCF) and keep the budget allocation at $3.14 million for the fiscal year 2016.

As you already know, last year Council appropriated an additional $1.3M for PCF, bringing its allocation up to $3.14M. This additional funding allowed PCF to dole out larger grants and reinstate the Youth Arts Enrichment grants. This grant provides project support for arts-education programs serving K-12 students in the Philadelphia School District.

Funded projects directly address the priorities of reducing youth violence, reducing truancy and drop-out rates, and increasing the percentage of School District graduation rates and graduates going on to college.

They give kids something positive and productive to do. This is something that our district desperately needs. We have tons of young people wandering the neighborhood, and no opportunities available to them beyond sports. For kids who aren’y interested in or good at sports, there needs to be meaningful activity. Furthermore, participation in arts programs helps increase emotional intelligence, making people less likely to engage in violent or destructive activity.

There are many people in Tacony and Mayfair who are just plain bored, and live to complain about renters or people who are different, and watch television. Events such as the Mayfair farmers’ market and street fairs give residents the opportunity to interact. It’s great that this is happening, but we need more. The Devon Theatre has been sitting idle for years. It’s a tragic joke that the past artistic directors abandoned it. However, it would make an excellent space for Theatre Philadelphia companies to give performances. People in our district need intellectual and emotional stimulation that art and culture provides, in order to lessen violence, drug use and crime. The arts also enhance local businesses; people who attend arts events are more likely to spend money near by, such as for dining and parking. The Philadelphia Cultural Fund allows for better opportunities not only in District 6, but throughout the region.

Mayor Nutter has only appropriated only $1.84 million for the PCF in his FY2016 budget. Please encourage Council to act and ensure that PCF is flat funded for Fiscal year 2016.

Please allocate $1.3M for the Philadelphia Cultural Fund.

Thank you again for your hard work, your time, and your attention to this important matter.

Sincerely,

Lindsay Harris-Friel

Hide and steek

Today I took a huge risk, which un-nerved me to my very core, the name for which not even Autocorrect recognizes. I tried steeking.

Steeking, for those of you who aren’t knitting geeks, is the process by which knit material is cut and sewn to make it into something else or smaller or whatever. In my case, I had pretty much given up on the project, and figured I had nothing to lose by trying out the process.

I tried knitting a hat, using Plymouth Yarns’ Gina in 0001. I wanted a loose, slouchy hat which would cover my ears, without mushing my hair irretrievably flat against my head. So, I looked at Bohoknits’ Sockhead Hat (which is a terrific pattern) and modified it to accept the different gauge of this thicker yarn.

I also wanted a diagonal rib for the 4″ band at the hat’s brim, because I think it’s more interesting to knit.  Unfortunately, despite measuring my melon and taking careful notes, I ended up with a giant family-sized salad bowl of a hat.

My head is smaller than a 2-liter soda bottle. I promise.
My head is smaller than a 2-liter soda bottle. I promise.

In this case, a normal person who wanted a hand-made custom-fit hat should do one of two things:

1) Get an expert to make it for you.

2) Frog, or unravel, the knitting, and start over.

Unfortunately, when it comes to clothing myself in cold weather, I am more stubborn than rational. So, I know that if you run wool through the washer on a warm cycle, it will shrink. This process is sometimes called felting, and sometimes called tragedy.  I decided that this hat was so big it could afford to participate in an experiment in shrinkage. So, not only did I run it through a clothes washer on a hot cycle, I ran it through a hot dryer.

diagonal rib and stockingette stitchesFor what it’s worth, let me show you how pretty the stitches looked before felting.

Thank you.

I also have to say that this yarn is as soft as a baby lamb’s earlobe. I knew felting would take away that feel. But baby, it’s cold outside.

So, a risky hot water wash and hot air dry later, I ended up with a hat that felt more tightly knit, but, guess what, was EXACTLY THE SAME DAMN SIZE. This is truly a testament to the resiliency and durability of Plymouth Yarn. I’m sure they make a yarn specifically for felting projects. If you want a yarn that won’t get ruined in the wash by mistake, I recommend this. And yes, it’s 100% wool.

Meanwhile, I still had a fuzzy floppy fruit bowl.  I thought, I give up. I can’t frog it now, because it’s about 50% felted. I tried wearing it, and it flopped and any breeze threatened to blow it off my noggin. Finally, I folded up part of it and pinned it with a safety pin to make it fit more snugly.

Then I remembered steeking. I’d read about it in some knitting books, but never actually done it, nor seen it done. I looked up some YouTube tutorials on the process, and saw that it required more skill and foresight than I had for this project. Today, I said, screw it, I have nothing to lose at this point.

IMG_3287

 

I measured out how much had to go, turned it inside out, and sewed a row of stitches across the hat, making a dart.

IMG_3289Then I took a pair of scissors and a deep breath, and cut the extra part off.

And here’s what I got:

me wearing my hat, after steeking.
Yes, that is a giant Darth Vader Pez Dispenser on our tchotchke shelf.

 

I like it. It fits, it’s comfortable, it looks cute. I am running it through another hot wash to see if I can get the new stitches to felt and mush with the rest of the yarn, so that seam will be more durable.

So, yeah; it’s been a while since I’ve last posted here. I’ve been applying for jobs and submitting scripts to opportunities. My track record has averaged one submission a day since last May. So far I’ve had a few good things come back (for example, The Wreck Of The Alberta had a reading with Athena Theatre Company, and it went Really Well, they’re good people). But it must be reading season, because I haven’t heard much lately.

Stay warm and safe.

Comments and Search Terms, or SEO Writing and Pat Smear

IMG_2296  SEO (Search Engine Optimized) Writing seems to be the main topic of interest that anyone ever comments about here on this little blog of mine. It’s fascinating. With all of the writing that I and sometimes my husband do about pop culture, music, theatre and the occasional recipe for canine cuisine, the one weird trick that always comes through in the Comments section is something like this:

Good morning writer and hello to you your website should have more traffic driving it I can make with SEO content your website traffic increase by one thousand and ninety seven percent, SEO is the wave of the future just like jetpacks and flying cars SEO Writing is a rare and highly specialized skill to use SEO keywords optimized to bring the highest Google results and increase your market potential my SEO experience and background in writing fluentest English extensively can bring SEO to your website now and make lots of more big dollars for you and myself huge potential contact me now sir more info about SEO Writing. 

To which I say, wow, thank you for the word salad, and hit delete.

I’ve done a fair amount of SEO writing, and I’m not a bad SEO writer. A client contacts me, because they want some content on a particular topic for their website, and they want someone to do the research and write about it in an accessible way.  They tell me how many words they want, usually around 300-500 per article, and what topic. I research it, write about it, rewrite it again to make it more concise and reader-friendly, and send it. They pay me, and everyone’s happy. They get clear, concise, accessible, researched website content to explain more about their product or service, and I get paid to do something at which I’m good and that I enjoy.

800px-Stipula_fountain_pen  The difference between SEO writing and other kinds of writing is the search engine optimization.  In order for the article to rank highly in search engine results, it has to use the same keyword as many times as possible. So, if you write an article that used the phrase “SEO writing services” once in the entire 500-word article, its page won’t have as high of a rank as, say, one that includes the phrase “SEO writing services” seven or eight times in those 500 words.

Now, when I was a wee lass learning to write out on the Quaker farm, where we still used paper and pencils, we were taught that repeating the same word too many times is tiring to a reader. And of course, since it was a Quaker school, wasting paper and graphite was a terrible sin. We learned not to bore our audience by repeating the same word over and over again. Sadly, the Internet was a gleam in the eye of a developer, and “page rank” was never discussed in seventh-grade writing classrooms.

But now, in the writing marketplace, repetition is good. However, a good SEO writer has to find inventive ways to make sure that the finished product is a clear, informative, helpful article with genuine information. It can’t just be a string of keywords, like a pattern of colored beads.

Currently, on Elance.com, writing is the second most high in demand skill, second to Web design. You’d think that a good SEO writer would be working 9-5 every day and making $40 an hour. Unfortunately, the offers are very strange, relative to the expected product and service an SEO writer provides.

As I write this, mostly based on experience, my current word count is 618, and it’s taken me roughly 20 minutes. I’ve barely done any research on this topic, other than a few quick glances at Elance. If I were to write an article with citable examples and footnotes, it would have taken longer. Furthermore, a shorter article takes more time, because of the thought process involved in condensing a topic. There is a reason that the haiku is an art form.

Most clients offer, for a 500 word researched article, using SEO writing, less than five dollars. I have been offered as little as six-tenths of a cent per word.

I have been fortunate, in that clients I’ve worked with have paid more, and they’ve been happy with my work. Unfortunately, these clients are few and far between. It’s really sad that the ability to write well is so undervalued, and it sincerely makes me wonder what I’m doing with my life sometimes. But, I’m really good at this, I can’t stop doing it, and this is what I want to do for a living.

In other news: The search terms used to find this blog, relative to the actual content, are often interesting. I think of this as a place for us to write about our music and theater projects. The most popular search terms used to find this blog are as follows:

m/s song of norway david bowie t-shirt

what strings does paul weller use

bowie video thank you for shopping

Now, I don’t know if I want to turn this into a British blue-eyed soul blog, but maybe there’s a play in this somewhere. If people are mostly interested in the secret hidden meaning behind David Bowie’s marketing artifacts and Paul Weller’s string choices, bless their hearts, they’ve come to the right place.

Only one of the search terms used to find this blog was phrased in the form of a question, and it’s a good one. I’ll try to answer it.

I am 16 do I need pat smear

"Patsmear" by Andrewbootlegger at English Wikipedia - Transferred from en.wikipedia to Commons.. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons -
“Patsmear” by Andrewbootlegger at English Wikipedia – Transferred from en.wikipedia to Commons.. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons

Pat Smear is, of course, a guitarist in the ubiquitous Foo Fighters, and was occasionally an additional live guitarist for Nirvana. Both bands are and have been among the most popular music in America, and I’m sure that if you turn on any rock or college radio station in America and wait a few minutes, you’ll certainly hear “Learning To Fly.”  I’m not saying that this is a bad thing, it’s just that it’s everywhere.  So since you phrased your question in terms of need, I’m not sure that they answer is yes.

Could you benefit from Pat Smear? Sure. But do you need to seek his work out, like a signed first edition of To Kill A Mockingbird?

If you’re going to do that, I recommend starting with work more indicative of his particular style than the latest Foo Fighters album, or Nirvana’s MTV Unplugged In New York album.  I think it’s time that you catch some Germs.

Okay, you’re sixteen, which means that the Los Angeles punk scene’s heyday was long before you were born. The Germs, however, are widely considered to music historians as one of the most influential bands in punk. Pat Smear played guitar, Lorna Doom played bass, Don Bolles was the drummer and their lead singer was Darby Crash.  Joan Jett produced their one studio album, (GI), in 1979. Despite critical acclaim for this album continuing to the present day, the band broke up following Crash’s suicide in 1980.  You may want to get your friends together to watch Penelope Spheeris’  documentary The Decline of Western Civilization, as well as the biographical film What We Do Is Secret. 

As you’re watching this, take a look at how these individuals were able to rebel against corporate capitalism without using the Internet (to say nothing of cell phones or Pitchfork), as well as how women presented themselves as agents of their own fortune and/or victims of male rebels. Ask yourself, what is victimization, and what is power, and how do these individuals make use of these systems of domination and control?  Do they win or lose? How and why? Then pick up a copy of (GI), and congratulate yourself on confusing the hell out of your parents by embracing an important part of American history.

At age sixteen, do you need Pat Smear? Yes, but you also need Joan Baez. You need music that will fan the flames of your adolescent curiosity and ambition and fuel you to make the most out of your life. Go for it.

I realize that it is entirely possible that what you meant to write is “I am sixteen do I need a pap smear,” in which case, that is a personal decision you should make with a doctor or nurse practitioner.

However, if you are really concerned about cervical cancer, here are some resources which may be helpful.

Pap tests and HPV tests, Planned Parenthood

Is a Pap test necessary every year? by Debbie Saslow, PhD

New Guidelines Discourage Yearly Pap Tests, by Mikaela Coney, ABC News

It’s a full-service blog here, I will tell you what. I can provide excellent music advice and SEO writing.

Any questions? 

A public service announcement regarding your health and well-being.

tumblr_m9so5cg1iF1revsmeo1_500  ‘Tis the season for complaining about the heat, and keeping our mouths shut about one of the least fun by-products of summer: Other People’s Odor.  Sure, a little bit of someone’s musky personal scent is nice if you’re intimately involved, or would like to be.

Unfortunately, this time of year means that more often than not, you get exposed to an awful lot of the following:

  • Bacteria Stink
  • Cologne Stink
  • Both.

tumblr_mt59p7HiLO1qeyvhfo1_250  Or, at least, I seem to get exposed to an awful lot of the following, so please consider this a PSA from myself and most of the people who work with the general public during the summer.  There’s something about my workplace’s “movies and air-conditioning available at no cost to you” policy which attracts a lot of Pungent-Americans.

Being introduced to you in an olfactory way, before I can see or hear you, is not fun.  Sometimes it’s like having your open palm plastered up against my face without warning. Other times it’s more like your foot.  In urban environments, with a lot of car exhaust, open trash containers, and so on, bacteria in the air will be more likely to stick to your skin and grow smelly, without your being aware of it.

I’ve known a lot of people who say that deodorant and anti-perspirant are toxic and harmful. Another thing that’s harmful is not being clean. I don’t care what kind of magic crystals or baking-soda pastes you want to rub all over your tender parts, if you don’t start the day with a clean slate, you’re going to smell disgusting.  Even if you live on a diet of home-grown shredded carrots, alfalfa sprouts and springwater, and are directly descended from Saint Bjorn of Liliodeur, the bacteria on your skin will mingle with your nice healthy sweat and turn it into The Army Of Stink.

Which brings me to my next point.

It seems that the warmer and more humid the weather in this magic valley between two rivers becomes, the more people think artificial scent will cause a cloud of welcome to manifest itself around them.

Octopus running away saying NOPE
Overused? Maybe. Get you to pay attention? Possibly. How I feel? YES.

Remember how I said that if I smell you before I can see you, it’s like introducing yourself to me by booting me in the face? Okay. If I can smell your cologne, perfume, rare Arabian body oils, or what have you, it’s like having a pot of warm mystery chemicals dumped on my face. Some of you are so generous with your application of mystery chemicals that it leaves a trail behind you.

Flower, the Disney skunk character
Flower is cute. You might not be.

If your smell precedes you and leaves a wake, that is not good. It’s gross. It’s as if you’re an animal marking its territory. It’s gross if you’re dirty and smell like it, it’s rude if you’re spreading a chemical hangover, and it’s double plus creepy and sickening if you’re mingling bacteria, body stink and chemicals.

When I was but a wee lass, I remember reading in Cosmopolitan magazine, “Use scent to invite, not repel.” This is an odd thing for a magazine to have printed in it when it was full of paper cards painted with enough perfume samples to choke the censer department of the Vatican during Easter Week, but I digress.  Further, it said that if you could smell the perfume, you were wearing too much, because we can’t really smell ourselves generally. True, by that point, it’s too late. (Yes, I read Cosmo when I was a kid. I learned early about the war on women.)

 

Uncle George Takei's personal fragrance is a clean, bright, light scent.
Uncle George Takei’s personal fragrance is a clean, bright, light scent.

All human beings have their own scent, caused by genetics, diet, exercise, and local temperature. Layering the trendiest liquid on your skin isn’t going to make people like you any more or less (provided you were awesome to begin with). But sometimes it is kind of fun.  Drom Fragrances’ perfumer Kevin Verspoor offered these perfume-application tips to Allure Magazine. 

  • Applying scent to your pulse points intensifies the chemical reaction, because your veins provide heat. (Oh, wait, what was this whole thing about already? Not choking other people to death during the warm season?)  Even if the label says “body spray,” that doesn’t necessarily mean you should spray it all over your whole body.  He also suggest applying the scent to spots lower on the body, such as the back of one’s knees, further from the general population’s nostrils, to give it time and distance to dissipate.  I apologize to the vertically challenged.
  • Layer. Verspoor suggests layering a favorite cologne mist over a scented body wash or lotion.  In my opinion, be aware of what you’re adding and how they mix. If you’ve added Marlboro smoke, Budweiser and garlicky pizza to your body on a hot day in the last hour, no quantity of Hugo Boss will make you smell good.
  • A little dab’ll do ya, just like Brylcreem and Chinese Five Spice. Give the scent an opportunity to mix with your body’s chemicals and make a unique smell, don’t shove everyone’s nose into the bottle. You don’t need to re-spritz throughout the day.

tumblr_muxdhmDqNg1s8a3u9o1_250Please, out of kindness to your fellow summer-sufferers, bathe. The Axe Effect is (mostly) a lie. Hosing yourself down with a variety of unguents won’t hide your stink, it only makes it worse.  We know you know where the nearest public restroom is. Neither deodorant nor cologne should be a substitute for water.

Actually, nothing should be a substitute for water. Remember; hydrate, bathe, don’t overdo it.

For more information about How Deodorant Works, James May has a straightforward explanation for you.

Thank you. Have a wonderful day.

an august return

ompf-logo-2-copy  I hate admitting to being excited about plans at the outset, because I’m always afraid I’m going to jinx myself. But, I have to say I’m pretty excited about The Second Annual Philadelphia One-Minute Play Festival. 

Last night, Dominic D’ Andrea sent out the e-mail explaining the groupings of scripts and pairing with directors, and just reading it feels really, really good. Dominic D’Andrea is one of the hardest working men in show business: he produces these One-Minute Play Festivals all over the country. They’re not just specialized by city or state; INTAR Theatre has partnered with the OMPF to create the One-Minute Play Festival of Latina/o Voices twice. The focus and energy of last year’s Philadelphia show was contagious enough to sell out all three performances. Remembering how much fun it was to watch and be part of, and looking forward to this new show, is making me feel all twitterpated.*

One of the goals in writing a piece for the One-Minute Play Festival is to reflect or explore a issue or trait unique to the host city, in a simple, powerful theatrical moment. So, basically, it’s a living haiku about our experience right now. They take longer to cook up and picture in your brain, than they do to actually write. When you write them, you have to write them so they’re actually much shorter than a minute, to give the actors room to breathe and be aware in the experience.

This is why we write plays, so we can take a plan and hand it off to other artists and see what they do with it.

Anyway, I’m excited, and based on the names and information I’ve seen so far, this promises to be a really good show. It takes place on August 3, 4 and 5 at 8pm, at the Adrienne Theatre. Yes, they’re school nights, it’s summer, deal with it. All the good stuff happens on weeknights anyway.  I get more excited over new plays than babies or jewelry.  This is going to have over a hundred new plays.  Whee!

——————————-

*Don’t know the word “twitterpated?” Neither does Autocorrect.  Walt Disney’s 1942 movie, Bambi, provides a pretty good working definition.

Website Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑